The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life, all of them involving hoody-wearing layabouts.

In the glorious days of Jacob Rees-Mogg, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life, but nowadays thanks to hoody-wearing layabouts plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..